You know, I've never really understood what happened between us...how and why we came to this - i never really thought that all this time, i am - fighting a losing battle. i tried to communicate, i tried all my best to let you feel that despite what you've done, i still care.. and that im still waiting, waitig to be with you again. but i cant understand why and how you fell out of love. and now i dont know what to do, now that you still hadn't talked to me. i cant barely describe what im feeling, but it's eating me. it's just so sad that your love has to go away,but then i understand. afterall,i was the one to blame for all of this in the first place. i know i was the one who made you that way.
the past is really one thing that i would cherish for the rest of my life. wonderful moments ive had with you, they sure are wonderful and i had to admit that i still will reminisce all those. the times when we're spending a lot of time together, talking, eating, watching movies, we would always choose to closely sit next to each other with your arm around my shoulders and my hand on your lap...we would hold hands and be very affectionate with each other...we even had private jokes that we didn't want to explain or share with anyone else...and every moment we spent together was fun even if we weren't doing anything at all.
i want you to know that.. I loved you with all my heart, and love you still, but I'm tired - I'm tired of fighting for a love that has lived its moment...of living on memories that are special only to me...
Thank you for everything...for taking away my insecurities; for showing me that people do love me for who I am; for making me understand that people I love will hurt me but it doesn't necessarily mean they love me any less, and that when they do hurt me, it is possible to forgive, forget and move on with life; for making me realize it is possible to trust again after getting hurt. Thank you too for giving me the most painful lesson in my life thus far...that the moment you love someone you have given him the capacity to hurt you, that how much you hurt is equal to how much you have loved, that getting hurt is proportionate to having too many expectations. Thank you for accepting me and allowing me enough room to grow at the same time...for inspiring me and making me want to become a better person. Thank you for being there when I needed you - for the silly and the serious moments; for making me laugh, smile and cry all at the same time; for holding my hand when I'm nervous or scared; for giving me a hug and wiping away my tears when I'm sad or confused; for never failing to make me feel better no matter how down or how depressed I've become; for unselfishly sharing my joys and my happiness. Most of all, thank you for making me feel special, for making me feel loved, even if it was so ambiguous and so fleeting I was hardly conscious about it.
For now, I'm letting you go, I'm letting us go. I've finally accepted that this is the way things would have to be, that i should allow us both to be free enough to seek whatever it is that will truly make us happy. Even if it isn't with each other. but if ever, you change your mind, and the feelings for me suddenly came back, don't hesistate to come back, for i will still be waiting..because i know that what we had back then was real.
I must admit you probably won't be too far away from my thoughts, and that thinking of you will still bring that tinge of sadness and regret. But I'm okay. I will be okay. Loving again may take awhile though. For now, I'd concentrate on healing myself, on making myself complete on my own - so that when the right one finally comes, I'll be able to give myself to him as I would have wanted to give myself to you.