"I wait not for the one who makes me take a second look, but for the one who makes me never want to look away in the first place.."

~There's no more turning back.
.J'ai besoin de vous ici avec moi.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

..oh my gulay,. so inet!!!! but i'm actually not feeling the heat wave dahil ang lamig dito sa office.. 17 degrees, (buti nlng im hired, i wont have to suffer sa bahay..heeh) if i'm at home and being a summer bum, i'd probably craving for one of these babies, but even if i don't (like now..)n i'm still craving for: STARBUCKS Mango Tea Frappucino. my ultimate fave..or or a pint of choco mocha ice cream..haayy.. eyon, wala lang, i'm doing nothing here kase, my boss came in late and she hadnt given me anything to do yet, so eto,. net net lang muna.. *wink*

~currently listening to: acon - don't matter.
9:52 PM | 0 comments
..i'm craving for: Mcdo Fries and float.Ü but i can't buy not until 530 pa,mmm...crave ko tlga sha.. *wink*

-office bum,i'm done with my work na and it's good na my boss is at the other department, waahaha,..- ♥
1:13 AM | 0 comments

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

..it's my sixth day at work. (yeah, im working. *grin* ) and medyo i'm feeling a bit at ease with it na. i dont want to be a bum at home kse kaya i opted to work kahit medyo not so malaki ang compensation. it's ok, it's experience.Ü

dapat kse tga uurong nko dito, kse unang una, the place is not so accessible. malayo smin kea i have to wake up early to beat my 8:30am sked, and only god knows how i hate waking up early (that's why im a bit tall. hehe..) tapos considering my situation, i'm SINGLE.. biyahe could get very very lonely,. =( uhm, enough with that.. and being "bago" too really sucks..

i remember my first day.. of which sobrang biglaan, Ms. nika the HR aast. texted me and asked me to come back and bring my medical, so akala ko nmn may interview pa or something, and in the back of my mind, ndi na dapat tlga ko tutuloi. but then i was so surprised wen i asked her.. "uhm kelan po ba ko magstrt?!" then she said "ngaun na.."

aun, hindi ko tuloi ntapos ung commitment ko sa DVBS, which truly sucks. e i have no choice nrin,. aun, my first day had been a real bum. i wanted to go home, i waited from 830 to 3pm sa boss ko, and grabeh antagal!!! and to think ako lang magisa sa testing room so ive got no one to talk to, wala din akong load kya hindidn ako mktext, grabeh tlga.. nasulat ko to sa sobrang ka boring-an:


..haay, first time kong kumain magisa,, grabeh, parang gusto ko nalang matunaw, magevaporate at lahat para mawala nako at maerase na s earth. ganito pla ang feeling ng first day at work..unexplainable. parang gusto ko nalang umuwi.. medyo oldies na kase dito eh, at ung iba namang hindi pa oldies eh, nevermind... grabeh, hindi masarap ang feeling..ang gutso ko lang ngaun eh umuwi nlng at magpahinga.. mukang magiging sobrang dugo ng bakasyon ko ha, at limited lang ang mga gimik..so it means HELL ang buong May ko, nagun mapapanis na ang laway ko, eto pa naman ng "most-hated-feeling-in-the-world" ko.. yeah mas first pa sa heartbreak.. grabe, sobra. naiiyak nko.. tas wala pa sya sa tabi ko kaya mas lalo akong mahina....blah,blah,blah..

and the story goes on... ayan, ive noticed na ilang beses kong naulit ang "gusto ko nang umuwi" which is tlgang gusto ko na..haha.. but now.. mm..medyo at ease nko, medyo lang.. im still making a few adjustments sa oldie world na kinalalagyan ko.. after a few days, naisip ko nang.. "ano naman kung alone ako kumain sa cafeteria?! they wont see me na namn after a month eh,so ok lang..aun, goodthing ung department im in, were very jolly and accomodating people.. (oh man, i prayed for that.) di tulad sa kabila,, hehe..they're good nmn pro hindi lng sila ganun ka accomodating at times.. uhm, so aun, office girl nko,.. i thnk i could cope up with it nmn for the mean time, at least this pre-occupies me..and keeps me busy..haay, so much for living this life.. so full of complexities, but then im still thankful for it. *wink* Ü♥
8:38 PM | 0 comments

Monday, April 16, 2007


..getting over you became an obsession for me.
But i realized that getting over someone could never be a matter of choice. we can't choose to forget someone, time does that for us. obviously, time hasn't decided for me yet.

HURT.

Everytime i remember something about him isn't exactly new anymore, and the toughest thing about it is that the sting lingers long after the wound has supposedly healed.

Everytime i remember him, i get this insane feeling of sadness as everything in the universe is useless because i don't have him.

why is it that my heart could not break away from you when everything else had?

why is it that i feel as if time has no intention of giving me my due?


..i want to forget him. i NEED to forget him.

all i want is to put to rest all the feelings i have harbored for the longest time.

the hurt i felt was nothing new because it never really left me, it's still there..

as painful as ever.
9:38 PM | 0 comments

Brighten my heart

My heart is as dark as the soil sodden with winter rains.
My soul is as heavy as the peat freshly dug from the bog.
My thoughts swirl like willow branches caught in autumn winds.
My body as tense as a cat's as it stalks its prey.

Chorus

Help me open my heart to you,Help me open my heart to you,
Help me open my heart to you, oh jesus.
It's what i long to do.

My heart is as dark as the soil sodden with winter rains.
(Lord, brighten my heart)
My soul is as heavy as the peat freshly dug from the bog.
(Lord, lighten my soul)
My thoughts swirl like willow branches caught in autumn winds.
(Lord, still my thoughts)
My body as tense as a cat's as it stalks its prey.
(Lord relax my body)
1:04 AM | 0 comments
..hindi na tlga kita maintindihan, ewan ko pero parang sa tuwing gusto mo lang akong kibuin, tska kalang lumalapit.

medyo masaya nakong nakikipaglban sa agos ng buhay, medyo nasasanay, o at least sa iniisip kong mas mabuti na kung hayaan nlng kita..total yan nman tlg ang gusto mo. pero isang gabi, bigla ka nagparamdam. umaga ko na nabasa ito dahil tulog na ko ng gabing un dahil sa pagod sa trabaho. hindi ko akalain na magtetext ka.

aba, nakaalala..

may halong tuwa at pagkabagabag ang naramdaman ko. bakit kaya sya nagparamdam?, pero, naisip ko, bka wala lang magawa.. naisip ko rin na bka naiisip nya pdin ako, na lubos na ikinatuwa ng maliit at butas butas ko nang puso. ilang beses na binasa ito, sa dahilang bihira n lamang ang ganito. pero nalungkot din ako, mas nalungkot kesa sa natuwa. malamig ka padin. at ako naman tong si tanga, nagreply nanaman syo.

hindi naman ako nagalit eh, kahit kailan hindi. pero sa ma nangyayari ngayon, hindi ko na tlga alam kung anong maramadaman ko sayo. mahal kita pero kailangan ko ng tulong mo para maka-move on ako. dahil kung hindi, baka hindi mo nako makita habang buhay.
12:01 AM | 0 comments

Friday, April 13, 2007

..four seasons of loneliness.
I long for the warmth of days gone by When you were mine But now those days are memories in time Life’s empty without you by my side My heart belongs to you
No matter what I try

When I get courage up to love somebody new It always falls apart ‘cause they just Can’t compare to you You love won’t release me I’m bound under ball and chain Reminiscing our love as I watch four season’s change.
In comes the winter breeze That chills the air and drifts the snow And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe When springtime makes its way here Lilac blooms reminds me of the scent of your perfume When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you Go skinny dippin’ in the ocean where we used to do When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare
When you’re not here it doesn’t feel the same

Remember the nights when we closed our eyes And vowed that you and I would be in love for all time Anytime I think about these things i shared with you I break down and cry ‘cause I get so emotional Until you release me I’m bound under ball and chain Reminiscing our love as I watch four seasons change

This loneliness Has crushed my heart Please let me love again ‘Cause I need your love to comfort me and ease my pain Or four seasons will bring the loneliness again
7:24 PM | 0 comments

Sunday, April 08, 2007

"i thought i'll never get over you, but maybe i will.. but for now, i still really can't."


crying lady nanaman ako. ewan, pro i really find comfort in doing that. no matter what others may say, or think, i won't stop doing it. it has beenmy waepon for comfort against pain lalo na sa mga bagay na i can't share with anyone but myself.yes, i've got the Lord on my side and i thank him becausei can feel his loving arms and soothing words coming in inside me while i was hurting. alam mo, i really don't know what i'll feel na about you and myself.




"..hindi naman kaylangang laging masaya eh.."


oo. i admit. im of a cheerful state of character that's why someone doesnt really notice agad if i have problems inside. but honestly, i do have. a lot. my friends don't normally see me crying, but my bed and pillows do..every now and then.


"kapag nakadapa ka pala, walang ibang magtatayo sayo kundi ang sarili mo."


move on. let go. - these are one of the few words i was really scared to encounter with. but i know i had to face my fears, but right now, i just don't know how. not with all the memories still linger around me each and every day, the memories that haunt me, that traps me, and that which seems to never let me go.


"If your heart gets broken by the one you truly love, don't let go of the love in your heart but let go of the person you'll never know, someone might be worthy of that love."

"There are things you can't see, but you choose to believe. REASONS you have, but you can't explain. MISTAKES you cant bring yourself to regret, and a LOVE so questionable, but you still choose to fight."

"You will never realize how much you care about a person until.. the thought of that person being with someone else is enough to break your heart."



..should i let you go?
7:09 PM | 0 comments

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

..i don't know what happened. i didn't even knew you weren't with me anymore. it hurts. yes,. a lot actually. i tried to bring you back, but i can't. i waited, i prayed. and wished that i'l never get tired. but you did. i thought that the second time around, we will finally happy.. we were, but it didnt lasted. i'm tired of fighting for the same exact reason everyday, i love you, so much. that this time, im finally letting go.

"i'd point my gun to head.. i'd pull the trigger.. i'd be dead. i could always choose this easy way to end my life.. but i choose to love because it's the sweetest way i could kill myself.."
11:32 AM | 0 comments
only thing i know for sure..





is i don't care anymore.






..and it hurts.
11:27 AM | 0 comments